Wednesday, April 06, 2011

BLOG ENVY

Every day I have to decide if I'm going to keep this blog alive. Lately I've been experiencing blog envy and today I had a serious sit down with myself. I started this blog as a place to share and express the things that were important to me and that I was passionate about. Every day I would look to see if anyone had made a comment and then later I discovered I could moniter and trace how many hits I had and where readers came from. It was all great fun until it started to mean something. Then I started reading other blogs on a regular basis and saw how many comments they got and watched their numbers grow. Lately, I've noticed a trend with certain blogs that have formed "brotherhoods", of readers. All my life I have felt left out of the "club". Straight guys had a club that I could never fit into and then when I came out I discovered gay guys have several different clubs and I have yet to find a place in any of them. Now I find out that gay guys who fuck straight guys, straight guys who fuck straight guys and straight guys who fuck gay guys have clubs and once again I'm left feeling like the ugly red-headed stepchild, standing on the outside while everyone else is inside have a grand old time. I'm not judging or criticizing those blogs, for me and my perceived inability to make connections, it's exhausting and overwhelming and I finally decided to give up and form my own little club of one. I will keep blogging about the things that matter to me as an expression of my passions and stop looking at numbers and comparing myself to others. I have a few faithful followers and I appreciate you so much. You know who you are and you have helped me get through some tough times in the past. I spent the day yesterday working on a painting for a friend's birthday present and today I will be working on Amphibians. A friend from junior high and high school passed away recently in his sleep. He was the first of the old gang that was the only "club" I was even marginally connected to. Amphibians is about that old gang and Brian's death has really made me want to get back to that story. The interesting thing about Brian is that he came out as gay before I did and we connected right afterwards. We never talked about being gay and what it was like being the only two gay guys in the group. I wish we could have had that conversation. RIP Brian.

13 comments:

jocko_jocko2000 said...

Sorry for the loss of your friend...Friends are few and far between. I'm not sure how to leave a comment.... but here goes nothing...enjoy your blog very much

jay said...

Beautiful painting.
I look forward to reading more of "Amphibians." You are a talented storyteller, and I am sure plenty of people are envious of YOU!

miracleman said...

Jocko, you did just fine. thanks for the comment. Keep 'em coming.

thanks, Jay.

cheers!

storyman3119 said...

Just did a quick check of your blog. Keep it up and running. I getfrusrated with my blog with the lack of comments. I know we crave feedback. What you do takes time and energy and creativity. I will add your link to my blog. I am now a follower(You have more than me.)

miracleman said...

storyman, who's counting? Ha! Thanks for the add and your comments. I'll be checking on you too, babe.

MM

rugbysex said...

i think you've discovered the secret...stop looking for brotherhoods and create your own. it's been my observation that there are two basic types of blogs: one where the blogger seeks to express himself and cares not a whit whether he has one or 1M readers. the other that wants an audience..preferably large. most start as the former and sometimes end up as the latter. i recently asked another blogger friend, what is is YOU want from your blog? i think you know miracleman what you want so be guided by that. sometimes the best brotherhoods are brotherhoods of a few.
cheers!

miracleman said...

Rugby,
My new motto is "blog like nobody's reading" Thanks, Babe!

Peace Man said...

MiracleMan,
Your blog is wonderful, I'm glad to hear your going to stick with it. When ever I check in I get such positive energy from everthing you post. I love your writing, your so talented, and you have great taste in men ( the pics are always hot as hell.) I'm glad your getting back to "amphibians" I was wondering when it was coming back. If what your after is brotherhood, count me as one.

Peace brother.

miracleman said...

thanks Peaceman, but I already considered you my brotha! This blog truly is a labor of love and I'm going to try and stay focused on that. Thanks for noticing that I'm very particular about my men.

Much love, MM

Anonymous said...

Don't gotta post this. Just with my damned computer and email service I can't figure out how the fuck to email someone back privately when they have a blog.

Anyway, I wanted to say, that even though I usually don't leave responses to posts on the blogs I actively visit, I consider them "family" or brothers in some weird way, not expressed by my lack of direct comment. My sex life is shaped and my masterbation is fixed on/with some of the bloggers who never know me, but post just the right kind of stuff to get me what I need. I read a few others too and they influence the way I look at life issues, and even to what furnishings I find attractive. Cuz I can not read all that fast, I tend to stay with the few blogs that are important to me. I do comment on BillInExile... how I got here. and I also have and will on Str8jocktalking2 now that he has reopened his. But the rest have me as a very loyal intimate but silent participant.

I think that silence is not an indication of the blogs not being good or not meaning anything. Cuz I always will only go back to them first. I think it shows the quality of the blog and the blogger. It ends up being like a book, or a publishing media and not a club-house-interaction media. In fact I only figured out how to read the comments and then write one about a half a year ago. (yup I am sure savey are I not? ha)

So, if you have lots or even some true trafic and you are still having fun. The fact that we look on things like a high-quality magazine and not as something needing comment, just means that.

I am glad to have found you. and will head back at times to keep tabs on your blog.

I am in Seattle WA in US. 50 etc personal email not for publishing is lightgarden@clearwire.net my handle or name I use when placing comments on the two blogs is YourStimulusPackage cuz I rode my bike naked in parades painted up like money uncle sam and yelled "hey hey, I am your stimulus package" in a lude and commical way a couple years back.

Rohm

miracleman said...

Hey Rohm,
thanks for your comments and insights. Would love to see a picture of your 'Stimulus Package'. You can email it to divinemadness99@hotmail.com

Love, MM

Jean said...

This painting is absolutely outstanding. There is an eerie mystery about it that is most unsettling and profoundly moving. Many thanks for sharing this extraordinary beauty.

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